"When we were on the boat…"
most often elicits comments about how wonderful such a thing must be, living
aboard, cruising the high seas, and how that is life's dream come true. I smile, nod, not wanting to shatter their happy
wondering, but I'm telling you, it ain't all it's cracked up to be.
After a little aimless chat about
our three-year adventure aboard, the statement is made, "You're a
writer," followed by the question, "why don't you write about it?" I explain that every family who cruises has
written about it to the point the market is flooded by such books, but the
truth is, it ain't all it's cracked up to be, and folks don't want to hear that.
I have succumbed. I am writing about it. If your dream is to sail away and live
forever cruising the blue, calm waters of the Caribbean, or the world's oceans,
visiting exotic ports, and even more exotic, secluded anchorages off tiny,
uncharted islands, catching your own lobster which are cooked right out of the
water, drinking your favorite beverage while dining and watching the sun set on
another perfect day, as you listen to Jimmy Buffet, stop right now. Do not read any further. That is the dream, but a dream is not
reality. I'm telling you, it ain't all
it's cracked up to be.
Sailing is hard work. You see these idyllic pictures of a tanned
couple standing at the helm of an immaculate sailboat, smiling, and saying
something like, "Now, bring me that horizon," a 'la Captain Jack
Sparrow. That is not the reality.
A cruising vessel, if it has been
to sea longer than a day is not clean and uncluttered. There is all manner of gear lashed to the
deck, all salt encrusted, and all a daily necessity. The idyllic, smiling couple, after a week at
sea, will both look as salty as the gear on deck.
If there are only two of you and
you are making a several day crossing, you are likely to be sailing in
four-hour watches, which do not allow for much sleep, and even basic personal
hygiene is abandoned. Showering on a
pitching, rolling boat is almost out of the question even if you have the water
on board to take one.
After four hours of standing watch,
the only thing you want to do is lie down, and as soon as you do, you're out…cold
until the Admiral hollers, "I need you up here, QUICK!" It is usually minor, sometimes not, but the
adrenalin is surging, and sleep of any sort is now only a wish.
Put two little girls, a dog, and
two frogs into this mix, and there is no way you are ever going to capture the
attention of the ad agency that took the idyllic smile photo. You soon realize why sailors are
characterized as surly, unshaven, and ill kept.
It is now embarrassingly clear where, and how, the term "cusses
like a sailor" came about.
In your cruising dream, if you
imagine hours of lounging at anchor reading a book, swimming, or resting, if
you are the captain, forget it. Your
time at anchor will be spent repairing all the stuff that broke on the crossing
while the Admiral and the Princesses do all the things they dreamed of…washing
dishes, doing laundry, re-supplying, and handing me tools.
As captain of a sailing vessel, you
are ultimately responsible for everything.
You are plumber, carpenter, electrician, rigger, painter, mechanic,
minister, doctor/nurse, meteorologist, navigator, hydrologist, sail maker, and
all around encyclopedia. Heaven help you
if you ever say the words, "I don't know." If you do, you might as well get off at the
next port and give the boat away. Your credibility
with the crew is shot.
You have to be all of these things
because, in the middle of the big, blue, wet thing, there is no roadside assistance
or anyone likely to pass near if you break down. You are on your own. At sea, as captain, there is God, then
you. It is all on you.
There comes a point when you wear
down and instead of settling in some exotic locale that you dreamed of, you end
up in Fairhope, Alabama…never a sweeter place on all the globe.
"What made you stop here?" I am asked.
"This is where the anchor
fouled," I answer.
"Really? Tell me about it."
I smile and will, but the truth is,
it ain't all it's cracked up to be.
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